12-01-2018 NLP and a personal journey

January 12, 2018January 12, 2018 | Sophie

It’s a Friday afternoon, 6pm, pitch black outside, and I’m cosying up on my sofa with a couple of candles lit and gentle music in the background. I’m feeling quite sorry for myself today because a light cold that started just before New Years has recently turned into a horrible cough after a couple of nights drinking and subsequent poor sleep, and I’m on my period. So taking it pretty easy today. Drinking herbal tea and trying to eat healthily while craving nothing but sugar (in the form of chocolate and ice cream).

Despite all that, I’ve actually had a pretty good day. In the morning me and mum went to a fitness class (the first proper exercise I’ve done in about 4 months) and then I went for a coffee with a group of people I met last night at a Neuro-Linguistic-Programming seminar. It was led by a man named Paul Cosen (who is based in Canary Wharf) and was an introduction to NLP, organised by Sarah Brown, who is a holistic therapist (based on the Isle of Wight). I am, of course, really interested in all types of therapies and my dad is an NLP practitioner although he doesn’t actually run sessions, he completed a course more for his own emotional journey and to use the therapeutic tools in his own life.

I arrived at the seminar not knowing what to expect, and also not knowing much about what NLP is or has to offer and I’ve come away from it with a vaguely solid idea, and with the intention to book a session for myself at some point over the next couple of years. My impression is that it is a holistic amalgamation of many different (mainly) non-verbal, sensory therapies that aim to assist the mind in processing traumatic events in the past in order to move forward in a healthier, happier way. More of a mind map or toolkit with lots of techniques and exercises at a practitioners disposal, rather than a structured one-fits-all method.

The seminar started interactively with Paul getting a feel for what we wanted out of it. The general consensus was that we wanted tools for personal use, to help overcome obstacles in our lives. I didn’t speak too much as I’m not that comfortable speaking in a big group. I actually prefer one-on-one chat. Any more than a small group and I tend to sit back and stay quiet. It’s not a lack of confidence, it’s more about the fact that I do enjoy listening and learning, I don’t feel the need to share what I think with everyone (unless I have a burning question) and I really don’t like fighting to make myself heard, working to be the first and loudest when the conversation pauses in order to make my point. So consequently I don’t say much. If I had, I would have said that I wanted tools in order to get over some traumatic events in my past because I’m not over them and they affect my life on an almost daily basis. I think that a lot of issues that people have boil down to fear: fear of failure, lack of confidence, a phobia, fear of humiliation, fear of judgement etc. and I think that my main fears are of my own emotions and of people/vulnerability. I’m a very empathetic person and my emotions run strong and deep; and because I had quite a tough time growing up they just became absolutely unbearable. So for the last 3 or 4 years I’ve been slowly repressing as much angst and pain as I possibly can. I’m now so adept at it that I barely feel sad and depressed any more at all which is great, but it’s also made me slightly apathetic and unemotional, and it’s taken away my happiness too. I didn’t really notice this until I was asked by someone, when is the last time you felt real happiness? and I couldn’t remember. Not for years, I thought. I’ve just been numbly ticking along, getting shit done, sure, but not really enjoying my life. And I’m now at a point where I’m ready to move on, and have the strength to do that. For the first time in my life I have a network of people close to me that I can truly trust and rely on, and I feel safe and healthy. But that’s not something you can put into a couple of words in an interactive group session, so I mostly stayed quiet.

At the end of the seminar however I was selected to take part in an exercise called The Orgasmic Chair. Me and this other lady sat back to back and were asked to give three words that described what we wanted more of in life. My words were: happiness, love and self-acceptance. I thought they seemed pretty cliche but they were genuine and things that I’ve wanted more of for a long time now. The lady behind me said: confidence, self-belief and fun. Then we were told to close our eyes and the rest of the group walked around us in a circle saying really positive, beautiful messages using the words we had given them. Some of the women stroked our arms and our heads, and some just spoke, but the whole experience was uplifting, freeing and really quite soothing. Having been single for a long time and away from home, I don’t have much affection or intimacy in my life, so it was actually really nice to experience this brief but powerful deluge of warmth and tenderness. So rather than sexual pleasure, The Orgasmic Chair filled me with a sense of love and of being loved, which I really needed.

Then today during our coffee we had the chance to have more of an open conversation. I was able to share some of my story and receive some answers to the questions that I had which was really nice. Also Paul did a few exercises with me in order to work through particular traumatic memories: I hope it’s worked. So a really positive experience overall and I’m so glad I went! It takes a little to put yourself out there and go with an open mind, but I felt a real connection with the group and definitely plan on going to more events like these on the island, and off, in the future! I also met a women who’s going to put me in touch with her son who has studied indigenous communities in Ecuador, and is now studying fungi in Spain… very very strange coincidence! (To learn more about what I’m doing in Ecuador, read this post: Why We’re Here – The Research).

So in conclusion! Very successful day for my emotional journey. Feel like I’m actually getting somewhere I want to be and know how to keep going.

How to survive in the Jungle

November 20, 2017November 20, 2017 | Sophie

First of all, I hope that none of you reading this are intending on actually using this blog post as a guide to the jungle. I am not professing to have succeeded at life here, nor am I suggesting I have any great wisdom on the matter. This is more a collection of observations and lessons I have learnt so far in the 2 short months that I have been living in the Amazon rainforest.

Don’t complain about how much you sweat.

Complaining makes you frustrated, which causes your blood pressure to increase and your body to heat up, which causes more sweating. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle. There’s no escape or respite from it, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it, and it doesn’t get any easier. My advice is tranquillo, tranquillo. Being chill is synonymous with cold for a reason. Relax, be calm and slow, and the sweat is manageable.

Laugh a lot at how ridiculous life can be.

The best thing you can do when the jungle pushes you to the limit of your adaptability is to laugh. 3 new super itchy bites on your bum, an awkward and socially-unacceptable place to scratch? Have a giggle about it, then scratch it anyway. Droplets of sweat that have made it all the way from your under-boob down to your ankle? It’s okay, just wipe and laugh. A huge, scary looking scorpion thing sitting innocuously in the exact spot you were about to place your hand? It’s cool, you saw it just in time, scream a little bit, then laugh. When the local, wild, jungle dog has raided your kitchen, upturned all the bins and spilt gross, smelly liquid all over the floor, maybe don’t laugh right away, maybe clear it up asap and lock the doors. Yell ‘hijo de puta’ to the general surroundings… then laugh.

Make friends with the insect community.

Only the harmless ones though. Become one with nature and take on a Snow-Whitely demeanour as the butterflies and moths swirl around you, and weird and wonderful little creatures somehow end up on your body and you’re not quite sure how they got there. Smile at them warmly, sing a little song if you’re so inclined, then get them the hell off you just in case.

Be prepared for attack at all times

The silent, tiny enemies that cause an unbelievable amount of grief are the biting bugs. A sting, and a week-long, incessant itch are the least of your worries, some of these insects carry horrible diseases like Malaria and Leishmaniasis. The likelihood of us getting either of these is fairly slim, but I don’t want to take any chances. Along with deet and long clothing, Heather and I have developed a series of noises and phrases designed to scare off unwanted critters. They work with varying degrees of success. These usually explode out of us when we realise we’re being attacked and often come from the recesses of our subconscious. Heathers go-to insult is yelling “BIG HAIRY BEAST” at the offender. It seems to work. My expletives are usually a series of weird noises like ‘lblblblblbllb’ or ‘chchchchchhc’. Yesterday, a wasp was hanging round the spout of our lemon juice, and I politely turned to it and said ‘Go away! That is not your lemon juice!’ Needless to say the wasp didn’t listen.

Tiger balm, and lots of it.

The only successful minor relief from the stingy itchiness is our beloved tiger balm. We try to keep stocked up at all times and apply it so often that most of our clothes and bed sheets have a yellow-ish tinge. I feel like every time I kill a mosquito, I’m helping humankind, ridding the world of disease one bug at a time. You’re welcome.

Frequent showers – for clarity of mind

The water is pumped straight from the river and is dispensed into a concrete shower block from a medium-sized plastic tank, so it’s always cold and fresh and has to be topped up every couple of days. When I say shower block, I mean a very small concrete cubicle with only 3 walls and a shower curtain, and no ceiling. Sharing a shower with the outside world is not so bad although the unavoidable, clothe-less nature of a shower does increase skin surface area for flying insects to land on. An inevitability unfortunately. One time, when Heather was showering, glasses-less and vulnerable, a massive toad reduced to a blurry leaf due to lack of 20:20 vision leapt desperately on to her leg. Not the ideal shower companion. My favourite time to shower is just after the sun has set, there’s something quite magical about showering and staring up at the moon and the treetops, plus the water is usually not freezing as it’s been heating up all day!

A strong stomach

Because who knows how many ants have died a merciless death in your boiling soup after they’ve climbed into your saucepan, and how many bugs you’ve had to force down after they landed in your drink and you only realised when you felt them sliding down your throat.

You’ll need a good selection of offline films, series and books.

I have rediscovered my love of reading here. My absolute favourite, most perfect, peaceful time of day is the morning. We usually wake up as the sun rises and make the short journey from our mattresses and the protection of our mosquito nets to our hammocks on the porch between 7 and 8, then read for an hour or so as the day heats up. We take our kindles to breakfast with us and read whilst sipping coffee, eating and chatting. Our mornings are delicious. Then at night we usually watch something we have downloaded, swinging in our hammocks listening to the buzz of night life around the station. The other night we were watching Stranger Things during an intense thunder storm lighting up the sky with bolts of lightning striking the trees across the river, the atmosphere was incredible.

Take a breath and remember how lucky you are all the time.

Because it’s true. Heather and I often have beautiful moments where we become sort of meta-aware about our surroundings and it dawns on us how unlikely and wonderful it is that life has brought us to this magical place. Glorious sunshine and a swim in the river can quickly turn into a furious thunder and lightning storm, deafeningly loud and thrillingly close. The river can be serene and gentle one minute, then have turned into raging rapids and be transporting large trees the next.

The promiscuity gene

December 19, 2016December 30, 2017 | Sophie

Whether we are likely to cheat or not is (partly) written in our genes.

The media promotes sexual promiscuity and freedom as empowering and contemporary, however it turns out that people can be either monogomous or polygamous. Alot of people will fall into one of the two categories; either you form deep attachments to people and prefer just one person, or you enjoy the freedom to be with whoever you want and get a thrill out of multiple sexual partners.

Time to shrug off the guilt and see through the misconceptions about what you should or shouldn’t be doing. This works both ways! If your monogomous but single, you may feel pressured by the media to explore your sexuality and enjoy multiple partners. Moreover if you’re polygamous, you may feel labelled or branded as someone who sleeps around or is anti-commitment. There’s no winning!

Or is there? I think the only way to truly win in situations like this is to be your self, and to be honest about how you feel with other people to decrease the likelihood of those around you getting hurt! That comes after deciding to feel proud and content with who you are, and maybe after reading this article, you’ll feel more ready to be your true self.

Oxytocin (in women) and vasopressin (in men) are the hormones which enable you to bond and to feel attached and close to people around you. Recent research has shown that there are different versions of these genes which contribute to your phenotype (observable characteristics of a gene). If you’re more monogamous, then these hormones are released in response to interactions with your partner encouraging feelings of closeness and bonding, and the receptors are more frequent and located near dopamine receptors which trigger the reward pathway making you more likely to go back for more. However if you’re more polygamous, then you get less oxytocin/vasopressin release and don’t get the same reward pathway stimulus, leaving you looking elsewhere for the hit.

A study from the University of Queensland shows that our genes are only partly to do with whether we’re more likely to cheat on a partner; there are so many environmental and emotional factors which also play a part. In this study, they tested the correlation between cheating partners and their genes, and they found that genes linked to infidelity were present in 65% of cases of men who cheated in past relationships, but only present in 40% of women; showing that men are more at mercy to their genotype than women.

I think they key is to embrace who you are; and be honest about who you are to yourself and to others in the kindest way. Actually quite a hard and courageous thing to do, I’ve found.

So the picture with this article is me at a full moon party on Koh Phangyan in Thailand a couple of years ago! I try and only use my own pictures on my blog, and this was the closest I could find that has anything to do with being promiscuous haha – even though it’s just a picture of me dancing! Below me pulling a funny face is my aussie friend Zan.

Europe trip – Berlin to Dubrovnik

September 19, 2016November 20, 2017 | Sophie

I travelled with one of my lovely best friends from home, Meri (pronounced Merry) and we decided earlier this year to get to know our European neighbours a little bit better this summer. (Side note: I’m heartbroken over Brexit, loved our European community). I would always choose more of a backpacker style holiday than an all-inclusive because I love immersing myself in new cultures, exploring and staying on the move; so we decided to do 8 cities in 3 weeks and get a little taster of each place. We travelled between cities by coach which was very cheap, comfortable and reliable and I would recommend.

Berlin

We’ll start at the very beginning, a very good place to start (Sound of Music reference fyi, this is relevant, you’ll see) in Berlin. First full day in Berlin we realised we’d made a packing faux pas as it was actually quite cold, but we managed in our summer clothes, albeit either cold or drunk. We had an amazing first morning; RECOMMENDATION: the free alternative walking tour. Our tour guide was a guy named Peter who had been living in Berlin as an artist for the last 8 years and was really passionate about the music and arts culture within Berlin that makes the city so unique. This was the concept of the tour really, history and politics from a music/arts perspective. The youth in Berlin are amazingly politically-minded, made me feel ashamed really for my lack of knowledge in politics but it inspired me to become more involved. There are absolutely no politics lessons in the British curriculum (unless you study it at A Level) so I still feel like a complete beginner, I might get ‘Politics for Dummies’ on my kindle. Anyway, so I learnt a lot about Berlin and I really encourage you to go and find out for yourself!

Graffiti in Berlin

That evening we met up with an old friend of mine from Bahrain, Aoife, and went to a vegan-friendly Vietnamese restaurant then a cool rooftop bar for the sunset, Klunkerkranich. The next day Aoife took us on a mini cycling tour of the city, we cycled through the iconic templehof airport which closed in 2008 and became a recreational space and home to thousands of refugees by popular vote in Berlin. We then saw the (underwhelming) Brandenburg gate and visited the holocaust museum which is very sobering but a must in order to appreciate past and present Berlin.

Prague

Next on our tour was Prague which was a little hotter thankfully. With beautiful gothic and renaissance architecture, Prague’s finest attraction is the city itself. We spent our days walking up and down the markets on the river, visiting churches and castles and soaking up the relaxed, happy atmosphere. We went out one night to this underground bar that used to be an old train station, the music was trippy and repetitive and techno; the air was humid and hot; the drinks were expensive, but the night ended up being good. We also witnessed the changing of the guard which we were very excited about until we realised it happened every hour, not such a unique experience!

Salzburg

Salzburg was one of my absolute favourite places. We only spent one night but I was already planning my next holiday there before we’d even left. A river runs through the city with mountains and beautiful buildings either side; the air was so clean, it really was such a picturesque place. With multiple classical music concerts happening every night, Salzburg attracts a slightly richer crowd and is subsequently more expensive however the hostel we stayed in, Yoho, was quite reasonable. The next morning we went on a Sound of Music tour which I loved and was one of the highlights of my trip!! I adore musicals, especially the Sound of Music so it was such a special experience to see where they shot the scenes and learn about the real Von Trapp family. Our tour guide was fantastic, a mix of cheesey and dry humour, very informative and friendly. I decided when I’m older and have more money, I’m going to visit Salzburg in the winter, stay in a nice hotel, see an opera or a concert and ice skate on the frozen lakes, it’s on my to-do list.

Vienna

From there we went to Vienna, another beautiful city but what made our visit so special was that we were a 5 minute walk from the famous Vienna Film Festival. There were loads of gourmet, international food stalls and a buzzing atmosphere all day. The first night we saw a Swedish Clarinetist and the second night we saw an opera. The featured image in this post is of the pedestrian traffic lights in Vienna, half of them were two men and the other half two women, in celebration of gay pride. Amazing. The city is beautiful, I recommend doing some researching and picking a few places you want to go/eat, because at first glance there’s not much to do.

Budapest

After Vienna came Budapest and the arrival of Jack and Charlie; Jack being Meri’s boyfriend. We went on another great free tour around the city, learnt all about Hungary’s interesting, lesser-known history and got orientated with its small capital. Our tour guide was very patriotic and portrayed Budapest (pronounced Budapesht) in a majestic light. We learn that Hello is pronounced ‘seeya’ and Goodbye is pronounced ‘Allo’ ironically. If you want to say ‘cheers’ in Hungarian, say ‘I-guess-she-can-drive’ fast and slurred. Budapest has churned out 3 Nobel prize winners (all of which were in the same chemistry class at school, I wonder if they were friends), is the birthplace of the Rubik’s cube and is the main exporter of various materials. It’s also where the famous magician Harry Houdini was born – we visited his museum. If you’re in Budapest, a few more must-visits are the hot spring bath-spa’s and the ruin bars which come alive at night. We visited a few amazing ruin bars, including one that was voted in the top 3 bars in the world a few years ago! Dedicate at least one morning to lying in because the ruin bars are a must-see.

Budapesht

Budapesht

Croatia

Our last 3 cities were all in Croatia, we spent one night in Zagreb to explore and 3 in Split then the boys went home and me and Meri had 4 nights in Dubrovnik. We had one of our best nights out in Zagreb then made our way down to Split the next day. We stayed in a beautiful apartment which we found on Booking.com and spent our first day chilling out on pebbled beaches. The second day we explored the old town and visited Sandy beach, a small cove which has the only sand beach in Split and the third day went on a tour to the national park which has the most amazing waterfalls!

Dubrovnik was spent reading, relaxing on the beach, swimming and drinking red wine on our balcony, a perfect way to end our holiday. It’s so important to get out there and see the world. To realise that literally anything is possible if you know where to look. You don’t have to settle for the lifestyle you grew up with and you certainly don’t have to end up in a 9 to 5 job you hate, praying that England gets more than 2 weeks of sun this year. I love the sun, it makes me happy and I want to live somewhere where it’s normal to wake up to sunshine. I also love experiencing new cultures and challenging the narrow perspective of social norms you’re used to and realising that everything you consider rude / polite / right / wrong is completely different in other parts of the world and that you don’t have to live your life according to the morals of the town you grew up in.