blogging

A snapshot moment

| Sophie

I’ll set the scene:

Me (purple, floaty trousers, black and green Hawaiian shirt, slightly tanned, curly hair tied back), lying in my hammock in the “porch” of our “mansion”. It is HOT today, so hot in fact that I got in the “shower” earlier fully clothed just to cool down a bit. The sun is shining and the river flows idly, the grass is quite overgrown and bright, little seeds cling to my socks and trousers whenever I walk anywhere. Insects are constantly buzzing about, jumping up from the grass and circling through the air which hangs heavy and still with humidity. Frogs and mice occasionally peep out from their homes and the geckos in our “mansion” crawl silently across the walls and the ceiling. The crickets are buzzing and the birds chirping and every so often the rumbling of a motor crawls past as members of the community travel up and down the river. The giant leaves on the banana trees rustle slightly in a gentle breeze, and the sound of the shallow water dancing over the rocks in the river floats up from the bank. I can smell the rich scent of tropical nature, almost cloying and almost sweet. And I feel calm. The heat has soaked into my bones and it is bliss to lie here, embraced in the warmth of the air and the peace and serenity of the trees.

I have spent the morning working on my project. Hours and hours and hours of data collection and analysis, with hours and hours and hours to go. My ears are ringing from listening to my music too loudly, my mind is buzzing with thoughts of work, and my fingers are sore from clicking and dragging and typing. I’m taking a break. Whether it’s well-deserved I’m not so sure, but the heat and limitless time we have make it hard to concentrate.

Heather and I have been at the station for 9 days now. Just us. Here. Alone. In our paradise-like prison, or prison-like paradise; depending which mood we’re in. We’ve been on rations for a few days now because our food supply is dwindling so meals have been delightfully creative or completely boring. The flies are out in full force so we’re both covered in bites, but I think we’re more used to them now so they don’t bother us as much. Evening is settling in, the air is cooling slightly and the sun getting lower.

 

 

I’ll get back to work now. The tab of my spreadsheet is staring at me disparagingly from the bottom of my laptop screen and, as much as I wish they would, the photos won’t start sorting themselves.

 

 

*”quotation marks” used to indicate the metaphorical nature of these descriptive nouns. We don’t actually live in a mansion, but a 4 roomed, open, wooden building built on stilts. The porch refers to the area at the front of said building. We have a structure which does a very good imitation of a shower, but in reality is 3 small concrete walls and a shower curtain with a barrel that we pump full of river water when it gets low, and a tap coming out of it.

 

22-02-2018 Menstruation Magic

| Sophie

This morning, a guide, Javier and myself set out into the forest to set up my project. I need 12 transects (straight lines that I use to mark where I will collect my data) in both primary and secondary forest. We found suitable areas with plenty of space and started to set these up, however, we happened upon an unusual obstacle. The community believe that when a woman is on her period, she has witchcraft that destroys their land and crops. So as we were walking through the forest with our string and measuring tape, we kept accidentally finding ourselves in bits of farmland that were completely off limits to me, a woman with magic crop-destroying periods. Not a problem I thought I’d have to deal with, frankly.

20-02-2018 Monotony

| Sophie

I want to preface this post with a reality check: We live in the rainforest, in Ecuador, near an Indigenous Community, at a research station, on a river bank, in wooden huts, without a car, without a boat (more importantly), with just each other, in the jungle. Like if you saw our location on a map it would just be a dot in the green bit that covers some of the East of Ecuador. This place is isolated. To get to the nearest town which is a very basic, very small, very local little place takes 3 hours. To get to the nearest town with a bar takes 4 and a half hours. To get to the nearest town with English speakers takes 9 hours. To get to a city takes 14 hours.

In my opinion, that is fucking cool. We are separated from civilisation (apart from through the internet of course – thank god for the internet), out in nature, surrounded by beautiful wildlife, cooking from scratch, doing ‘science’, living a life (almost) free of social pressures and expectations and best of all living and working closely with a community of people who are from a completely different (metaphorical) world to us. It’s fascinating…

But wow! Does it get boring. It is effectively our job to run and maintain the station, that requires being here 24/7 funnily enough: in this small little patch of land, with a finite amount of things to do and people to talk to; for days, and sometimes weeks on end. Also, now we’ve started our projects we are tied to the station for at least 2 or 3 days a week to collect our data from the forest, there is 0 flexibility here so that our projects are valid and our results usable. And like I explained in paragraph 1, it takes a hell of a long time to get anywhere from here. There’s no ‘popping out’ from the station. No, no. There’s ‘right we have an appointment in Tena at 9:30am on Thursday for 20 minutes so we’ll need to leave 2 days in advance and we’ll be away from the station for 4 days okay let’s pack up every single item in the whole station so the community can’t steal anything, umm order a canoe a few days in advance, pack a weeks worth of laundry and clothes, book accommodation, write a shopping list and then yeah, good to go’. So, as you can (hopefully) see, unless we have a visa office to visit or a document to retrieve, we are stuck here.

Most of the time I think I have more freedom here than anywhere else in the world. I can get up when I like, I have enough time to read books, watch movies, eat leisurely and work at my own pace. I don’t have a myriad of lectures, meetings, shifts, matches, events that lead my life for me; I lead my life here, not the timetable on my outlook calendar. But sometimes I feel caged in and bored. Bored bored bored. And when I get bored I get tired, which just perpetuates this boredom cycle and I loose motivation and sometimes when it gets really bad, I loose touch with reality a little.

I don’t mean to undermine the life we have here (I actually think sadness and challenge augment our reality as we learn and grow through these hard experiences) but understandably we get a bit stir crazy every so often! This manifests in many different ways, some weirder than others, I won’t go into details. We haven’t yet had the time to take a holiday in Ecuador and go and have some fun. Every time we’ve left the station previously it was on visa or food related errands which are crazy-frustrating and boring, in that order. I think Heather and I deserve some real credit here, for all intents and purposes we are managing extremely well under the circumstances. We chose this placement in the first place (separately) knowing it would be challenging and isolated, so we also knew ourselves well enough to know we would probably be fine with it. Which we are *insert earnest smile*. However… we really ought to get out more.

Which we will: back-at-the-station-after-christmas resolution number 1 was to take some time off ‘work’ (go on holiday) every month; and Heathers 21st birthday is fast approaching so we are taking our first fun trip in Ecuador and going to Banos (Ban-yos – Baths in Spanish because the town is built on the side of the tallest volcano in Ecuador and there are lots of thermal baths there) for 6 days which will be mega fun. Lots of canyoning, hiking, rafting, zip-lining and thermal-bath bathing in Banos. We leave this Friday and will shun all responsibility until we get back the following Thursday, and it’ll be great. We will come back renewed and full of life, I’m sure.

Anyway, the day is running out and I’m actually procrastinating a little right now – I should be reading Fungi Biodiversity papers.

So, signing off – from the hammock near the wifi router, wooden hut, river bank, Payamino, Ecuador.

17-02-2018 The ups and the downs

| Sophie

It’s a quiet day at the station today. Only Heather and I are here so we have complete freedom to do what we like when we like. This freedom only really extends to when we eat, usually with more people at the station mealtimes are regular and we take it in turns to cook each meal, but with only the two of us here, I ate breakfast at midday and Heather ate lunch at 3: we’ve descended into madness. Apart from that, we are still at the mercy of the weather and can’t leave the station as we have work to do here. It’s been raining the last couple of days so wifi and power have been a little dodgy, and until recently the station has been relatively full! So it’s back to our quiet little life.

Life has taken a few turns recently, ebbing and flowing like the tides of El Rio Payamino. It’s easy to see a surface view of someone’s life and assume that all’s fine and dandy, but actually there’s usually something going on there which doesn’t breach social media or light conversation.

My life has been a bit up and down recently. I think being ill always gets you down and it takes a little while to regain the swing of things; I’m still not better after my ear infection which is making me a little lethargic and foggy. Another thing – this one took me a while to figure out on all my travels – but it turns out you’re not immune to insecurities / down days / mad panics about life just because you live somewhere cool: had a few of them recently. Also, the direction of my project has changed once again. It’s been a real challenge figuring out what kind of research is available in the field, balancing my highly-optimistic research aims, and evaluating my own limitations in order to find the middle ground of what’s actually doable here.

It was quite disheartening at first, but I am a fan of silver linings and have started to appreciate the benefits of my new plan. It will be a lot simpler and easier, I will have more control over every aspect, and the write-up will be more straight forward. All boring things, I’ve lost interest over ease, but at least I can actually make a start.

Field work is surprisingly slow. There are a lot of social, political, meteorological and ecological hoops to jump through that you just don’t expect to meet when you set out on your journey, hoping to uncover some valuable resource or hidden knowledge. And field work is clumsy. Of course we adhere to ‘the scientific method’, and keep all our data as valid and reliable as possible, but at the end of the day, research is limited by the people doing it and the amount of money and time they have. We’ve recently been collecting data for an arachnid biodiversity study which sounds to me awfully professional and serious, but the actual field work/data collection side of things juxtaposes this scientific vision of serious, intelligent people doing serious, intelligent things, and replaces it with a group of people, some scientists, some undergrads, and some indigenous community members, literally catching spiders in the jungle. There’s more to it than that, years and years of research that has cultivated the perfect method and most accurate data analysis, however the literal translation from the methods section in a scientific paper to people working in the field is not what you expect. It’s been fascinating to learn this and experience some real life science in the field.

All in all life at the station has been great. The company has been wonderful, and it’s nice to be back home in our idyllic, little corner of the world. But I’d be lying if I said life has been perfect: life has been normal, I guess, but still full of discovery, new experiences, learning and getting shit done, which are the main things, I think.

20-01-2018 Nice to be back, Quito

| Sophie

I have arrived in Ecuador safe and sound, sorry to say bye to England but excited to settle back into my Ecuadorian life! Goodbyes were quite hard this time, and it was tougher than usual to tear myself away from my family and friends, but the further from home I travelled, the more I started to look forward and the easier it became to leave my comfort zone behind. My journey to Ecuador was long and comprised of: a car, boat, bus, train, coach, bus, Travelodge, bus, plane, plane and finally taxi and took 35 hours. Definitely not the longest journey I’ve been on, but exhausting never-the-less!

Getting through Quito airport was a little tricky… they have 2 security checks, each one before and after baggage claim, and I got questioned a lot over my visa situation! I only have another 9 days left on my tourist visa: I’ve applied for a work visa but Ecuador is THE SLOWEST COUNTRY EVER and it’s taken months and I haven’t heard from the visa office at all. So I got a little warning upon entry and was told I must leave after 9 days. When we were applying for work visas, it wasn’t a case of just filling out a form online and sending a couple of emails, because in Ecuador, they don’t reply to emails. (What!??) So you have to SHOW UP everywhere. And these visa offices and universities aren’t near each other – on average they are probably about a 6 hour coach journey from each other. So ‘getting our visas’ translates into zig zagging up and down the country, having meetings and showing our faces so we can pressure them into moving forward in our applications (mine and Heathers). So anyway I got through security with a warning I have no intention of taking seriously, then we teamed up with another traveller to get a taxi to the old town in Quito where we’re staying.

One thing that struck me when I arrived was how familiar Quito feels to me now. It’s a joy to get to know a place and feel safe there, especially when it comes to logistical things; like knowing if a taxi is taking you in the wrong direction and if they are over-charging you! Also, it was an absolute joy to arrive in Ecuador and have enough of a grasp of Spanish that I can communicate with the locals – it makes life so much easier! And I think it’s such a special thing: being able to speak more than one language, it gives you such an insight into other cultures! I’m always so curious when I hear people speaking a different language, I would love to know what they’re saying! It seems so mysterious when you can’t understand, but I bet most of the time it’s just the usual mundane, boring stuff we talk about in English! Speaking all the languages in the world is in my top 3 most-wanted super powers. So being able to understand Spanish is so exciting for me. I’m no expert, but I get by and I am trying to get better all the time.

Another beautiful thing about being back in Ecuador is the music. I was surprised to learn that Spanish music has heavily infiltrated the UK charts when I was home over Christmas, and lots of the songs I cherished as being a part of my South American journey were actually quite well known in England! But I will always associate those songs with Ecuador: the places I’ve been here, the journeys I’ve done, the bars I’ve danced in, the hostels I’ve stayed in. And that is quite magical. Although, true South American music is quite different to Spanish chart music. It’s the more traditional salsa and flamenco that you’ll find playing in local, less touristy areas!

Last night Heather and I went out for a few drinks and we started the night at another Hostel called Minka. We were informed by the staff at our hostel who were also going that it is a bit of a party hostel. When we arrived, however, we weren’t particularly enthused because it was really quiet and there were even 2 guys asleep on the sofas! But we joined a little group outside eating, drinking and smoking and started to have fun and eventually, unsurprisingly, a guitar somehow made its way to the table! A quite accomplished Colombian guy and his girlfriend then proceeded to play a bunch of Latin American songs, harmonising and with a shaker might I add – definitely rehearsed for moments like these, and most of the table were singing along. Now, I know that travelling guitar players have a bit of a bad rep among the British, but I genuinely think it’s because we’re not as open to it, and also there are definitely a few douchebags who ruin it for the whole lot. Unsolicited guitar playing while everyone is quite happily chatting is definitely a dick move, but a group sing-song with a good player and a few beers is actually a really great thing. I actually fall into this group of travelling guitar players so I may be a little biased, but I’m just as happy to sit back and listen as I am to take centre stage. Last night was a bit of both, we spent the first couple of hours soaking in the culture of the passionate South Americans and their fiery music, and by the end of the evening I had a guitar in my hands and was serenading the whole group with I’m Yours and Somewhere over the Rainbow… and I unapologetically loved it.

One of my resolutions in Ecuador is to properly learn a Spanish song by the end of the year! Then I’ll be a real dick when I travel haha, not only playing the guitar and singing, but in another language too. Don’t hate me too much.

So right now I am in my hostel, hungover but feeling really satisfied and comfortable. We chose to stay in Hostel Revolution this time, which is more quiet, because it has a kitchen – a real must for travellers on a budget (which unfortunately is me). It’s nice enough, not as good as Secret Garden but the kitchen has been SO worth it!!

Side note: if anyone is thinking of going travelling, bring a towel dressing gown. It is one of my FAVOURITE things. You avoid the awkwardness of walking around in a towel and its really easy to get changed under – little travel tip. Also!! Second travel tip: Lush shampoo’s and conditioners are AMAZING. They are completely vegan and bio-degradable which is obviously fantastic, but they come in these little bars which sit neatly in a little tub, so super easy to transport and they last for ages!! I washed my hair for the first time with them today and my hair looks really great, so massive advocate for Lush right now! 

Today the weather in Quito is 15 degrees-ish which is pretty perfect for a life admin / movie day in bed. So that is exactly what I’m doing!

15-01-2018 I really ought to be packing

| Sophie

So it is (almost) that time again. The time to leave my family and friends behind in England and live in another country and culture for a significant period of time. This is, in fact, the 5th time I have taken off to another country with no return flight booked. The shortest period of time away has been 4 months, the longest, 10 months. This time I’m going for an intermediate 6 and a half months, planning to be home sometime at the end of July.

Something I hadn’t really expected to happen, was that each time I go away, it gets harder. It’s meant to get easier, isn’t it? Although I think I was probably at my most reckless and adventurous when I was 18, and so realistically it couldn’t have got any easier. Back then I couldn’t wait to travel, I was more than excited to leave the island and explore a different country and had absolutely no fear. Potentially due to the blissful ignorance of having never done anything like this before, and the fact that at that point in my life I felt really trapped somewhere I didn’t want to be. But things are quite different now. I’m 4 years older, I’m an awful lot happier and I’m actually sorta enjoying being at home, who’d have thought?

After a month of easy living, the prospect of having to go back to the rainforest actually gives me a little bubble of nerves in the pit of my stomach, something I’ve never felt before. It’s been quite emotional being back at home with my family, we’ve had our ups and downs which we always do, but it’s been a joy being surrounded by loved ones and I’ve had complete freedom. I haven’t had to work, or had any responsibility of any kind actually. It’s been wonderful. I’ve spent lots of quality time with our new kitten and my bunny, I’ve been writing a lot more, playing the piano, seeing my friends, being cold, having hot showers, forgetting how it feels to be constantly sweaty and itchy, you know… all the normal stuff.

I really ought to be packing right now. I leave Wednesday lunchtime so that gives me a meagre two days to sort my life out. And that is no easy task. For anyone thinking to themselves, what is she worried about, this experience sounds incredible! Read this: Rainforest frustrations and jungle revelations. It’s not so much the place or people or situations I’m worried about, it’s more the physical experience of living there. The water that tastes so strongly of chlorine I’ve had dehydration sickness twice now, the constant itching, scratching and scabbing, the humidity that is so high I’m almost never dry, the fact that communication is dependent on how many hours a day I sit at an uncomfortable table and try and learn Spanish.

I am, of course, completely neglecting to mention all the really awesome things about living there. When I am back in Ecuador and super inspired and in love with the rainforest, I will write a post about how completely amazing it is to be living there and make you all sick with jealousy. But for now my overriding emotions are nervousness and a deep aversion to my suitcase.

12-01-2018 NLP and a personal journey

| Sophie

It’s a Friday afternoon, 6pm, pitch black outside, and I’m cosying up on my sofa with a couple of candles lit and gentle music in the background. I’m feeling quite sorry for myself today because a light cold that started just before New Years has recently turned into a horrible cough after a couple of nights drinking and subsequent poor sleep, and I’m on my period. So taking it pretty easy today. Drinking herbal tea and trying to eat healthily while craving nothing but sugar (in the form of chocolate and ice cream).

Despite all that, I’ve actually had a pretty good day. In the morning me and mum went to a fitness class (the first proper exercise I’ve done in about 4 months) and then I went for a coffee with a group of people I met last night at a Neuro-Linguistic-Programming seminar. It was led by a man named Paul Cosen (who is based in Canary Wharf) and was an introduction to NLP, organised by Sarah Brown, who is a holistic therapist (based on the Isle of Wight). I am, of course, really interested in all types of therapies and my dad is an NLP practitioner although he doesn’t actually run sessions, he completed a course more for his own emotional journey and to use the therapeutic tools in his own life.

I arrived at the seminar not knowing what to expect, and also not knowing much about what NLP is or has to offer and I’ve come away from it with a vaguely solid idea, and with the intention to book a session for myself at some point over the next couple of years. My impression is that it is a holistic amalgamation of many different (mainly) non-verbal, sensory therapies that aim to assist the mind in processing traumatic events in the past in order to move forward in a healthier, happier way. More of a mind map or toolkit with lots of techniques and exercises at a practitioners disposal, rather than a structured one-fits-all method.

The seminar started interactively with Paul getting a feel for what we wanted out of it. The general consensus was that we wanted tools for personal use, to help overcome obstacles in our lives. I didn’t speak too much as I’m not that comfortable speaking in a big group. I actually prefer one-on-one chat. Any more than a small group and I tend to sit back and stay quiet. It’s not a lack of confidence, it’s more about the fact that I do enjoy listening and learning, I don’t feel the need to share what I think with everyone (unless I have a burning question) and I really don’t like fighting to make myself heard, working to be the first and loudest when the conversation pauses in order to make my point. So consequently I don’t say much. If I had, I would have said that I wanted tools in order to get over some traumatic events in my past because I’m not over them and they affect my life on an almost daily basis. I think that a lot of issues that people have boil down to fear: fear of failure, lack of confidence, a phobia, fear of humiliation, fear of judgement etc. and I think that my main fears are of my own emotions and of people/vulnerability. I’m a very empathetic person and my emotions run strong and deep; and because I had quite a tough time growing up they just became absolutely unbearable. So for the last 3 or 4 years I’ve been slowly repressing as much angst and pain as I possibly can. I’m now so adept at it that I barely feel sad and depressed any more at all which is great, but it’s also made me slightly apathetic and unemotional, and it’s taken away my happiness too. I didn’t really notice this until I was asked by someone, when is the last time you felt real happiness? and I couldn’t remember. Not for years, I thought. I’ve just been numbly ticking along, getting shit done, sure, but not really enjoying my life. And I’m now at a point where I’m ready to move on, and have the strength to do that. For the first time in my life I have a network of people close to me that I can truly trust and rely on, and I feel safe and healthy. But that’s not something you can put into a couple of words in an interactive group session, so I mostly stayed quiet.

At the end of the seminar however I was selected to take part in an exercise called The Orgasmic Chair. Me and this other lady sat back to back and were asked to give three words that described what we wanted more of in life. My words were: happiness, love and self-acceptance. I thought they seemed pretty cliche but they were genuine and things that I’ve wanted more of for a long time now. The lady behind me said: confidence, self-belief and fun. Then we were told to close our eyes and the rest of the group walked around us in a circle saying really positive, beautiful messages using the words we had given them. Some of the women stroked our arms and our heads, and some just spoke, but the whole experience was uplifting, freeing and really quite soothing. Having been single for a long time and away from home, I don’t have much affection or intimacy in my life, so it was actually really nice to experience this brief but powerful deluge of warmth and tenderness. So rather than sexual pleasure, The Orgasmic Chair filled me with a sense of love and of being loved, which I really needed.

Then today during our coffee we had the chance to have more of an open conversation. I was able to share some of my story and receive some answers to the questions that I had which was really nice. Also Paul did a few exercises with me in order to work through particular traumatic memories: I hope it’s worked. So a really positive experience overall and I’m so glad I went! It takes a little to put yourself out there and go with an open mind, but I felt a real connection with the group and definitely plan on going to more events like these on the island, and off, in the future! I also met a women who’s going to put me in touch with her son who has studied indigenous communities in Ecuador, and is now studying fungi in Spain… very very strange coincidence! (To learn more about what I’m doing in Ecuador, read this post: Why We’re Here – The Research).

So in conclusion! Very successful day for my emotional journey. Feel like I’m actually getting somewhere I want to be and know how to keep going.

 

 

09-01-2018 Dear diary introductions

| Sophie

So, I’m excited to announce that I’m going to start a ‘Dear Diary’ section in my blog. This will be for much more personal posts, and subject matter will be fairly general; just about me and my life and what I’m going through at any one time. I’m not going to publicize them as much as I do my other posts because they’re going to be more casual and also a bit more about ME, so I think I’d prefer it if my main audience is the online blogging community who tend to be a more supportive and non-judgmental bunch.

I want to do this for multiple reasons. I want to push my blog further and put a little more in / get a little more out, so blogging regularly should help gain followers and get my stats up (hopefully). Also, I want to practice writing in a hurry. Most of my blog posts take hours if not days to write, and coming up with a worthy topic only happens every couple of weeks. So this should work quite well for me. Just putting into a post what goes through my head in a day will be easy, and the pressure is a lot less to make them all perfect and valuable sources of information because a) they’re about me, b) I’m not linking them to Facebook where all my real life friends see my blog posts and c) they will sort of be sideline to the actual theme of my blog which is a holistic approach to health.

I really hope this works! If anyone reading this right now has any advice on how to make a blog more successful then please link me to blog posts you have written / thought were useful or just comment on the bottom, I promise I will follow your links / read your comments!

Thanks!