17-02-2018 The ups and the downs

February 17, 2018 | Sophie

It’s a quiet day at the station today. Only Heather and I are here so we have complete freedom to do what we like when we like. This freedom only really extends to when we eat, usually with more people at the station mealtimes are regular and we take it in turns to cook each meal, but with only the two of us here, I ate breakfast at midday and Heather ate lunch at 3: we’ve descended into madness. Apart from that, we are still at the mercy of the weather and can’t leave the station as we have work to do here. It’s been raining the last couple of days so wifi and power have been a little dodgy, and until recently the station has been relatively full! So it’s back to our quiet little life.

Life has taken a few turns recently, ebbing and flowing like the tides of El Rio Payamino. It’s easy to see a surface view of someone’s life and assume that all’s fine and dandy, but actually there’s usually something going on there which doesn’t breach social media or light conversation.

My life has been a bit up and down recently. I think being ill always gets you down and it takes a little while to regain the swing of things; I’m still not better after my ear infection which is making me a little lethargic and foggy. Another thing – this one took me a while to figure out on all my travels – but it turns out you’re not immune to insecurities / down days / mad panics about life just because you live somewhere cool: had a few of them recently. Also, the direction of my project has changed once again. It’s been a real challenge figuring out what kind of research is available in the field, balancing my highly-optimistic research aims, and evaluating my own limitations in order to find the middle ground of what’s actually doable here.

It was quite disheartening at first, but I am a fan of silver linings and have started to appreciate the benefits of my new plan. It will be a lot simpler and easier, I will have more control over every aspect, and the write-up will be more straight forward. All boring things, I’ve lost interest over ease, but at least I can actually make a start.

Field work is surprisingly slow. There are a lot of social, political, meteorological and ecological hoops to jump through that you just don’t expect to meet when you set out on your journey, hoping to uncover some valuable resource or hidden knowledge. And field work is clumsy. Of course we adhere to ‘the scientific method’, and keep all our data as valid and reliable as possible, but at the end of the day, research is limited by the people doing it and the amount of money and time they have. We’ve recently been collecting data for an arachnid biodiversity study which sounds to me awfully professional and serious, but the actual field work/data collection side of things juxtaposes this scientific vision of serious, intelligent people doing serious, intelligent things, and replaces it with a group of people, some scientists, some undergrads, and some indigenous community members, literally catching spiders in the jungle. There’s more to it than that, years and years of research that has cultivated the perfect method and most accurate data analysis, however the literal translation from the methods section in a scientific paper to people working in the field is not what you expect. It’s been fascinating to learn this and experience some real life science in the field.

All in all life at the station has been great. The company has been wonderful, and it’s nice to be back home in our idyllic, little corner of the world. But I’d be lying if I said life has been perfect: life has been normal, I guess, but still full of discovery, new experiences, learning and getting shit done, which are the main things, I think.

10-02-2018 An ear update

February 11, 2018 | Sophie

I am deliriously happy right now. I woke up this morning in a state of bliss and contentment. You see, for the first time in a week, I woke up because I was ready to wake up, rather than because I was in excrutiating pain. I’ve had a fungal ear infection which has been just horrific. I would unabashadley use the word agony to describe my pain even though it may sound dramatic. It was absolutely unbearable at times; I felt nauseous, was in too much pain to sleep, and painkillers didn’t really work. By the end of the week, I was taking paracetamol, ibuprofen, diclofenac and codeine, and it still wasn’t enough. As the days went on, the pain didn’t get worse or better, but spread to the back of my head, my throat, my neck, my right eye and my right cheek. I am half deaf in my right ear, and its been leaking puss and mucous. So basically not very fun, river fungi 1, sophie 0.

So waking up without pain was a miracle. I’m honestly not sure how much longer I could have kept going for, especially considering I was averaging 3/4 restless hours of sleep a night, when I am very much an 8/9 kinda girl. Today was my 2nd follow-up doctors appointment to get my ear cleaned out. I was meant to have it cleaned on wednesday but it was still too swollen and inflamed at that point. So this morning when I woke up without pain I was really glad because that meant the inflammation had gone down and I could get my ear flushed out. So I set off on my journey to Coca this morning excited and ready to get my hearing back and hopefully say bye to all the puss and mucous.

It didn’t really turn out like that. The doctor did indeed clean out my ear, but this was not the pleasant and satisfying feeling I had hoped for, oh no. This was water being squirted alarmingly forcefully deep into my still sore and infected ear, then repeated 5 times. This was ear violation. Things are not meant to go into your ear, that is not what they are designed for. Bits of fungi came out which was both fascinating and gross, then the doctor had another look and told me that there was still a lot of fungi growth, I needed 10 more days of antifungal drugs, and 2 more ear cleaning sessions: one tomorrow and one in a week. Not the conclusion I was hoping for I must admit. This was all made more stressful by the fact that the doctor mumbled in thickly-accented spanish. Not only is my spanish not good, I am also half deaf right now, so I definitely feel like I missed half of the story.

But to 360 back to my original point, I am, surprisingly, quite happy. It’s really great to not be in constant pain. For everyone reading this who is not in pain, just take a quick stock of your body and truly appreciate that you are feeling fine right now. What a wonderful feeling. And for those who are in constant pain, my deepest sympathy, it is exhausting and frustrating and horrible.

I was talking to my mum earlier and she said “Sophie you don’t have to be so brave all the time”, but actually I do. When you’re in a different country/place to the people that really love you and you’re suffering, you kind of have no choice but to be brave! What else can you do? I’m not exactly going to jump on a plane home, so I’ve just got to tough this one out. No one can feel your pain for you. What does bring an amazing amount of relief is emotional support. When someone messages you asking if you’re okay, how you’re doing, how you’re feeling; it is so comforting to know there are people out there who worry about you and care for you. So if you do have a sick friend or relative, message them once in a while just to let them know you care.

08-02-2018 ill and abroad: a detailed account

February 8, 2018February 5, 2021 | Sophie

Date
Saturday 3rd of February

Scene
Lying in bed in a hotel room on the 4th floor of our favourite Hotel in El Coca, the Rio Napo.

8pm
And so occurred the last in a series of bad decisions: a massive bowl of pasta for dinner. Accompanied with soy sauce (beggars can’t be choosers) and sweetcorn, this was the final nail in my coffin.

8:30pm
A slight stomach ache. Did I eat too much pasta? Perhaps the Asian / Italian combo wasn’t agreeing with me. I put it out of my mind and settled in for the night.

11:30pm
Stomach ache reached fever pitch. Something was not right. Fear started to creep in that I’d caught the same 24 hour bug that wiped Heather out a few days ago. It looked nasty.

11:45pm
Denial. Pain, nausea, diarrhoea and denial. I was so tired 4 hours previously and at this point I was more awake than ever. Surely I hadn’t caught the bug, surely not.

Midnight.
Toilet blocked. In my haste and pain, I forgot you’re not meant to put tissues down the toilet. Contents of toilet filled to the brim, and absolutely nothing I could do about it.

12:15am
Vomit time. I ran to the loo and threw up only to have it splashed back in my face. Not ideal. Turned to the left and threw up my entire bowl of pasta into the shower. Now I’m in a pickle.

12:30am
Toilet blocked, shower blocked and the vomit wouldn’t stop.

1am
Messaged friends and family informing them that I had fallen victim to the stomach bug as well and would be accepting sympathy for the next couple of days.

1:45am
Tripped on the way to the bathroom and fell over, threw up on the floor. Brilliant.

2am
Earache getting worse and worse. My ear had been blocked for a few days but I had put it down to a cold and water in my ear, but the pain suggested something more sinister.

3:30am
My body now almost emptied, I decided it was time to do something about the mess. In my delirium, I thought it would be a good idea to try and rinse away the vomit in the shower. Turns out chunks of pasta won’t go down a plughole. Next bright idea, move vomit from shower to bin with tissues and hands. Mediocre success.

4:30am
Parents were online on Skype. Finally, someone to care for me. Spoke to mum and dad for 45 minutes, threw up 3 times on the call, watched my cute little kitten bite the camera, and agreed to see a doctor in the morning about my ear.

5am
Discovered that everything that had gone down the loo in the last 6 hours was now regurgitating back up into my shower. If you stood in the shower, it would have come up above your ankles. Felt really hard done by at this point.

5:30am
Vomiting and diarrhoea starting to subside, desperate nausea slowly fading away. Readying myself for some sleep.

6:30am
Hadn’t expulsed any liquids in half an hour, good sign. Earache getting really painful, bad sign.

8am
In AGONY. Facebook messaged hotel owner asking for doctor to be sent to my room. Exhausted, empty, delirious, feverish and in excruciating pain.

9am
No one had replied to my messages. Feeling lonely and isolated, as well as desperately ill.

10am
Confirmation that doctor would indeed be on his way in 20 minutes.

4:30pm
Doctor arrived.

4:45pm
Post examination, I learnt that I had a bacterial infection in my intestines, and both a fungal and bacterial infection in my right ear. Prescribed a bag of drugs including two diclofenac injections, a course of antibiotics for 12 days and antimycotics for 10 days.

5pm
Injection administered into bottom by hotel manager in spare hotel room. (Not (too) dodgy, she used to own a pharmacy).

The next day
Ear leaking mucus and black stuff. Umm…

Present (8th of Feb, Midday, back at Station)
Little improvement. Decided to share my story in the hope that it would make a few people laugh (and count their blessings). Want to remind readers that we’re all human, and all of us shit, piss and vomit.

Thank you

25-01-2018 Back home

January 25, 2018January 25, 2018 | Sophie

It’s a beautiful day in the jungle. I woke up this morning at 10am which never happens because I’m usually sweating by 8, but this morning it was cool which was delightful.

We arrived a couple of days ago with 2 volunteers who are living here for 2 weeks. They are a French/Colombian couple who are both Doctors, and they are here to experience life in the jungle and help with our research. Also at the station, we have Xaali (in the middle of her Ecology PhD) and Jagoba (Dr of Arachnids) who both have ongoing research projects in the jungle. Xaali is working with Bromeliads and comparing the genetic diversity between different bromeliads to the community of animals that live within them. Her project involves lots of climbing trees because typically bromeliads grow off of the trunks of other trees. They are Epiphytes which means a plant that grows on another plant. Jagoba is an arachnid specialist living in Barcelona and he is doing a spider biodiversity study here – the first of its kind! This will involve all 7 of us catching spiders using various techniques night and day for the next week or so!

So the pace of life in the station has picked up! We’ve talked a lot about projects and science, and generally the kitchen is filled with a Spanish babble of conversation which makes a nice change to the silence that normally hangs in the air throughout the day. Thankfully, my project is coming together. There might even be a way for me to combine my two projects, and instead look at how the community use fungi medicinally! Very interesting!! Jagoba and I are going to meet a Fungi specialist in Quito in February who may be coming to the station in March to do this research as well!

The visa sitch is looking a bit worrying. My mum sent out some documents which I need for my visa to be processed, but Royal Mail has royally fucked up and even though she sent them two months ago, it looks like they haven’t yet made it out of England. And sorting this mess out from the Rainforest is quite hard so not too sure what I can do about it apart from register a MASSIVE complaint about their incompetence and lack of communication.

I got thwacked in the eye by a tree branch on the way to the station a couple of days ago. Heather, the 2 Doctors and I were sat on the roof of the Rancherra (the lorry-thing which takes us from Loretto to the indigenous community in the Rainforest), and for the split second I was changing songs on my phone, a branch came out of nowhere and got my eye! Excuse the pout – I was feeling quite sorry for myself (and looking for sympathy).

So I am now going to go for a swim in the river!

And tonight we are having a FIESTA for Burns Night!!! Heathers family is Scottish so we are going to pay homage to Robert Burns all the way from the Jungle!

20-01-2018 Nice to be back, Quito

January 20, 2018January 21, 2018 | Sophie

I have arrived in Ecuador safe and sound, sorry to say bye to England but excited to settle back into my Ecuadorian life! Goodbyes were quite hard this time, and it was tougher than usual to tear myself away from my family and friends, but the further from home I travelled, the more I started to look forward and the easier it became to leave my comfort zone behind. My journey to Ecuador was long and comprised of: a car, boat, bus, train, coach, bus, Travelodge, bus, plane, plane and finally taxi and took 35 hours. Definitely not the longest journey I’ve been on, but exhausting never-the-less!

Getting through Quito airport was a little tricky… they have 2 security checks, each one before and after baggage claim, and I got questioned a lot over my visa situation! I only have another 9 days left on my tourist visa: I’ve applied for a work visa but Ecuador is THE SLOWEST COUNTRY EVER and it’s taken months and I haven’t heard from the visa office at all. So I got a little warning upon entry and was told I must leave after 9 days. When we were applying for work visas, it wasn’t a case of just filling out a form online and sending a couple of emails, because in Ecuador, they don’t reply to emails. (What!??) So you have to SHOW UP everywhere. And these visa offices and universities aren’t near each other – on average they are probably about a 6 hour coach journey from each other. So ‘getting our visas’ translates into zig zagging up and down the country, having meetings and showing our faces so we can pressure them into moving forward in our applications (mine and Heathers). So anyway I got through security with a warning I have no intention of taking seriously, then we teamed up with another traveller to get a taxi to the old town in Quito where we’re staying.

One thing that struck me when I arrived was how familiar Quito feels to me now. It’s a joy to get to know a place and feel safe there, especially when it comes to logistical things; like knowing if a taxi is taking you in the wrong direction and if they are over-charging you! Also, it was an absolute joy to arrive in Ecuador and have enough of a grasp of Spanish that I can communicate with the locals – it makes life so much easier! And I think it’s such a special thing: being able to speak more than one language, it gives you such an insight into other cultures! I’m always so curious when I hear people speaking a different language, I would love to know what they’re saying! It seems so mysterious when you can’t understand, but I bet most of the time it’s just the usual mundane, boring stuff we talk about in English! Speaking all the languages in the world is in my top 3 most-wanted super powers. So being able to understand Spanish is so exciting for me. I’m no expert, but I get by and I am trying to get better all the time.

Another beautiful thing about being back in Ecuador is the music. I was surprised to learn that Spanish music has heavily infiltrated the UK charts when I was home over Christmas, and lots of the songs I cherished as being a part of my South American journey were actually quite well known in England! But I will always associate those songs with Ecuador: the places I’ve been here, the journeys I’ve done, the bars I’ve danced in, the hostels I’ve stayed in. And that is quite magical. Although, true South American music is quite different to Spanish chart music. It’s the more traditional salsa and flamenco that you’ll find playing in local, less touristy areas!

Last night Heather and I went out for a few drinks and we started the night at another Hostel called Minka. We were informed by the staff at our hostel who were also going that it is a bit of a party hostel. When we arrived, however, we weren’t particularly enthused because it was really quiet and there were even 2 guys asleep on the sofas! But we joined a little group outside eating, drinking and smoking and started to have fun and eventually, unsurprisingly, a guitar somehow made its way to the table! A quite accomplished Colombian guy and his girlfriend then proceeded to play a bunch of Latin American songs, harmonising and with a shaker might I add – definitely rehearsed for moments like these, and most of the table were singing along. Now, I know that travelling guitar players have a bit of a bad rep among the British, but I genuinely think it’s because we’re not as open to it, and also there are definitely a few douchebags who ruin it for the whole lot. Unsolicited guitar playing while everyone is quite happily chatting is definitely a dick move, but a group sing-song with a good player and a few beers is actually a really great thing. I actually fall into this group of travelling guitar players so I may be a little biased, but I’m just as happy to sit back and listen as I am to take centre stage. Last night was a bit of both, we spent the first couple of hours soaking in the culture of the passionate South Americans and their fiery music, and by the end of the evening I had a guitar in my hands and was serenading the whole group with I’m Yours and Somewhere over the Rainbow… and I unapologetically loved it.

One of my resolutions in Ecuador is to properly learn a Spanish song by the end of the year! Then I’ll be a real dick when I travel haha, not only playing the guitar and singing, but in another language too. Don’t hate me too much.

So right now I am in my hostel, hungover but feeling really satisfied and comfortable. We chose to stay in Hostel Revolution this time, which is more quiet, because it has a kitchen – a real must for travellers on a budget (which unfortunately is me). It’s nice enough, not as good as Secret Garden but the kitchen has been SO worth it!!

Side note: if anyone is thinking of going travelling, bring a towel dressing gown. It is one of my FAVOURITE things. You avoid the awkwardness of walking around in a towel and its really easy to get changed under – little travel tip. Also!! Second travel tip: Lush shampoo’s and conditioners are AMAZING. They are completely vegan and bio-degradable which is obviously fantastic, but they come in these little bars which sit neatly in a little tub, so super easy to transport and they last for ages!! I washed my hair for the first time with them today and my hair looks really great, so massive advocate for Lush right now!

Today the weather in Quito is 15 degrees-ish which is pretty perfect for a life admin / movie day in bed. So that is exactly what I’m doing!

An unrequited (uninvited) infatuation.

January 16, 2018April 15, 2019 | Sophie

It’s rather cruel this life we live in black and white, and colour,

The more we have the more we give, the more that we do suffer.

The more we learn the less we know, Oh, the irony of knowledge,

An unfair joke, a punchline that we refuse to acknowledge.

I’m grieving and I’m sore and I don’t know what to do.

The life I thought I’d have has slipped away from me, it’s true

I’m mourning over something that I never really had,

Except for in my daydreams and imagination… sad.

My heart feels bruised beyond repair. The cure I do not know.

No bright future just despair and loneliness and woe…

It all seems rather bleak to me. I’ve waited long enough.

I think I may give up now, all that crap romantic stuff.

I know I’m only young ‘cause people tell me all the time

But in my heart I feel as old as hundred-year-old wine

Sitting on a dusty shelf wondering why I’ve been neglected,

Getting weary with the world and sick of being rejected…

You see! What happened was that I came to a realisation,

It turns out that they don’t care, a feeling falsification.

I was blinded to this truth, their lack of reciprocation,

My love, an unrequited (uninvited) infatuation.

The words were never spoken by them, the feeling not made clear

But their actions, or really lack thereof, confirmed my deepest fear.

They don’t care for me in the same way that I do them,

They probably never have, they just played me on a whim.

So now I’m at my senses, clearly I need to move on!

I look forward to the moment when thoughts of them are gone

And to let go of the belief that things might just work out.

I fooled myself, an easy thing to do I’ll never doubt.

So with this breath, these words, this text, this poetic finality,

I leave the hopeful lust behind, I set my own heart free.

It’s wonderful, the peace it brings, a mind and heart in health,

And the next step in my journey? To learn to love myself.

15-01-2018 I really ought to be packing

January 15, 2018January 15, 2018 | Sophie

So it is (almost) that time again. The time to leave my family and friends behind in England and live in another country and culture for a significant period of time. This is, in fact, the 5th time I have taken off to another country with no return flight booked. The shortest period of time away has been 4 months, the longest, 10 months. This time I’m going for an intermediate 6 and a half months, planning to be home sometime at the end of July.

Something I hadn’t really expected to happen, was that each time I go away, it gets harder. It’s meant to get easier, isn’t it? Although I think I was probably at my most reckless and adventurous when I was 18, and so realistically it couldn’t have got any easier. Back then I couldn’t wait to travel, I was more than excited to leave the island and explore a different country and had absolutely no fear. Potentially due to the blissful ignorance of having never done anything like this before, and the fact that at that point in my life I felt really trapped somewhere I didn’t want to be. But things are quite different now. I’m 4 years older, I’m an awful lot happier and I’m actually sorta enjoying being at home, who’d have thought?

After a month of easy living, the prospect of having to go back to the rainforest actually gives me a little bubble of nerves in the pit of my stomach, something I’ve never felt before. It’s been quite emotional being back at home with my family, we’ve had our ups and downs which we always do, but it’s been a joy being surrounded by loved ones and I’ve had complete freedom. I haven’t had to work, or had any responsibility of any kind actually. It’s been wonderful. I’ve spent lots of quality time with our new kitten and my bunny, I’ve been writing a lot more, playing the piano, seeing my friends, being cold, having hot showers, forgetting how it feels to be constantly sweaty and itchy, you know… all the normal stuff.

I really ought to be packing right now. I leave Wednesday lunchtime so that gives me a meagre two days to sort my life out. And that is no easy task. For anyone thinking to themselves, what is she worried about, this experience sounds incredible! Read this: Rainforest frustrations and jungle revelations. It’s not so much the place or people or situations I’m worried about, it’s more the physical experience of living there. The water that tastes so strongly of chlorine I’ve had dehydration sickness twice now, the constant itching, scratching and scabbing, the humidity that is so high I’m almost never dry, the fact that communication is dependent on how many hours a day I sit at an uncomfortable table and try and learn Spanish.

I am, of course, completely neglecting to mention all the really awesome things about living there. When I am back in Ecuador and super inspired and in love with the rainforest, I will write a post about how completely amazing it is to be living there and make you all sick with jealousy. But for now my overriding emotions are nervousness and a deep aversion to my suitcase.

12-01-2018 NLP and a personal journey

January 12, 2018January 12, 2018 | Sophie

It’s a Friday afternoon, 6pm, pitch black outside, and I’m cosying up on my sofa with a couple of candles lit and gentle music in the background. I’m feeling quite sorry for myself today because a light cold that started just before New Years has recently turned into a horrible cough after a couple of nights drinking and subsequent poor sleep, and I’m on my period. So taking it pretty easy today. Drinking herbal tea and trying to eat healthily while craving nothing but sugar (in the form of chocolate and ice cream).

Despite all that, I’ve actually had a pretty good day. In the morning me and mum went to a fitness class (the first proper exercise I’ve done in about 4 months) and then I went for a coffee with a group of people I met last night at a Neuro-Linguistic-Programming seminar. It was led by a man named Paul Cosen (who is based in Canary Wharf) and was an introduction to NLP, organised by Sarah Brown, who is a holistic therapist (based on the Isle of Wight). I am, of course, really interested in all types of therapies and my dad is an NLP practitioner although he doesn’t actually run sessions, he completed a course more for his own emotional journey and to use the therapeutic tools in his own life.

I arrived at the seminar not knowing what to expect, and also not knowing much about what NLP is or has to offer and I’ve come away from it with a vaguely solid idea, and with the intention to book a session for myself at some point over the next couple of years. My impression is that it is a holistic amalgamation of many different (mainly) non-verbal, sensory therapies that aim to assist the mind in processing traumatic events in the past in order to move forward in a healthier, happier way. More of a mind map or toolkit with lots of techniques and exercises at a practitioners disposal, rather than a structured one-fits-all method.

The seminar started interactively with Paul getting a feel for what we wanted out of it. The general consensus was that we wanted tools for personal use, to help overcome obstacles in our lives. I didn’t speak too much as I’m not that comfortable speaking in a big group. I actually prefer one-on-one chat. Any more than a small group and I tend to sit back and stay quiet. It’s not a lack of confidence, it’s more about the fact that I do enjoy listening and learning, I don’t feel the need to share what I think with everyone (unless I have a burning question) and I really don’t like fighting to make myself heard, working to be the first and loudest when the conversation pauses in order to make my point. So consequently I don’t say much. If I had, I would have said that I wanted tools in order to get over some traumatic events in my past because I’m not over them and they affect my life on an almost daily basis. I think that a lot of issues that people have boil down to fear: fear of failure, lack of confidence, a phobia, fear of humiliation, fear of judgement etc. and I think that my main fears are of my own emotions and of people/vulnerability. I’m a very empathetic person and my emotions run strong and deep; and because I had quite a tough time growing up they just became absolutely unbearable. So for the last 3 or 4 years I’ve been slowly repressing as much angst and pain as I possibly can. I’m now so adept at it that I barely feel sad and depressed any more at all which is great, but it’s also made me slightly apathetic and unemotional, and it’s taken away my happiness too. I didn’t really notice this until I was asked by someone, when is the last time you felt real happiness? and I couldn’t remember. Not for years, I thought. I’ve just been numbly ticking along, getting shit done, sure, but not really enjoying my life. And I’m now at a point where I’m ready to move on, and have the strength to do that. For the first time in my life I have a network of people close to me that I can truly trust and rely on, and I feel safe and healthy. But that’s not something you can put into a couple of words in an interactive group session, so I mostly stayed quiet.

At the end of the seminar however I was selected to take part in an exercise called The Orgasmic Chair. Me and this other lady sat back to back and were asked to give three words that described what we wanted more of in life. My words were: happiness, love and self-acceptance. I thought they seemed pretty cliche but they were genuine and things that I’ve wanted more of for a long time now. The lady behind me said: confidence, self-belief and fun. Then we were told to close our eyes and the rest of the group walked around us in a circle saying really positive, beautiful messages using the words we had given them. Some of the women stroked our arms and our heads, and some just spoke, but the whole experience was uplifting, freeing and really quite soothing. Having been single for a long time and away from home, I don’t have much affection or intimacy in my life, so it was actually really nice to experience this brief but powerful deluge of warmth and tenderness. So rather than sexual pleasure, The Orgasmic Chair filled me with a sense of love and of being loved, which I really needed.

Then today during our coffee we had the chance to have more of an open conversation. I was able to share some of my story and receive some answers to the questions that I had which was really nice. Also Paul did a few exercises with me in order to work through particular traumatic memories: I hope it’s worked. So a really positive experience overall and I’m so glad I went! It takes a little to put yourself out there and go with an open mind, but I felt a real connection with the group and definitely plan on going to more events like these on the island, and off, in the future! I also met a women who’s going to put me in touch with her son who has studied indigenous communities in Ecuador, and is now studying fungi in Spain… very very strange coincidence! (To learn more about what I’m doing in Ecuador, read this post: Why We’re Here – The Research).

So in conclusion! Very successful day for my emotional journey. Feel like I’m actually getting somewhere I want to be and know how to keep going.